Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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