He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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