This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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