she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
