So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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