Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
