I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
