You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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