the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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