For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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