If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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