Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
