Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Houston, we have a blender
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
