I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
