the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
