I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
