I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
