there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
