I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
