I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
