Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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