We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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