i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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