All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
