I'm drive I can fine osifer
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
