my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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