I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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