i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
