We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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