Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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