So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
