I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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