I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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