The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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