It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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