Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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