is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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