So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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