Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
