First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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