My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
