Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
