Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
