well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
