It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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