Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i love accidental penises.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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