You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
