five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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