Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She bit a glass in half.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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