Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
