so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
