I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
