seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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