I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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