You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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