So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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