Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
