tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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