Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
