dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
