I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
