and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
